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Let these funny Sold Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.