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Let these funny Dale Carnegie Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie 
Create happiness for others.
- Dale Carnegie
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
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Don't Criticize, Condemn, Or Complain.
- Dale Carnegie
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
Take a chance! All life is a chance.
The man who goes farthest is generally
the one who is willing to do and dare.
- Dale Carnegie
Count your blessings - not your troubles.
- Dale Carnegie
You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear,
do not sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.
- Dale Carnegie
Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude.
- Dale Carnegie
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie
Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it -
that is the quickest and surest way
ever yet discovered to conquer fear.
- Dale Carnegie
Most of the important things in the world
have been accomplished by people
who have kept on trying
when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie
You can conquer almost any fear
if you will only make up your mind to do so.
For remember, fear doesn't exist
anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
People rarely succeed unless they
have fun in what they are doing.
- Dale Carnegie
If only the people who worry about their liabilities
would think about the riches they do possess,
they would stop worrying.
- Dale Carnegie
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Success is getting what you want;
happiness is wanting what you get.
- Dale Carnegie
Instead of worrying about what people say of you,
why not spend time trying to accomplish
something they will admire.
- Dale Carnegie
When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie
Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw,
hear what you heard, feel what you felt.
Relevant detail, couched in concrete,
colorful language, is the best way
to recreate the incident as it happened
and to picture it for the audience.
- Dale Carnegie
Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie
Today is life - the only life you are sure of.
Make the most of today. Get interested in something.
Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby.
Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you.
Live today with gusto.
- Dale Carnegie
Tell the audience what you're going to say,
say it;
then tell them what you've said.
- Dale Carnegie
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being.
Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
- Carl Jung
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have a respect for manners as such,
they are a way of dealing with people
you don't agree with or like.
- Margaret Mead
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
- David Starr Jordan
True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.
- Socrates
The true delight is in the finding out,
rather than in the knowing.
- Isaac Asimov
Today, I will do my best...
and then relax in the knowing
that I have done all I could.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We seek peace, knowing that peace is the climate of freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Success comes from knowing that
you did your best to become the best
that you are capable of becoming.
- John Wooden
There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
- the character Morpheus in the movie The Matrix
Smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To know the whole world is nothing
when it is compared to knowing your own inner mystery of life.
- Osho
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.
The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out.
- Ray Bradbury
There is so much we can never know.
Breathe deeply and relax into the not-knowing.
There is much that we do not have to know
in order to live joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is only in adventure that some people
succeed in knowing themselves -
in finding themselves.
- Andre Gide
Knowledge is knowing that we cannot know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau
Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
- Socrates
Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
- Lao Tzu
It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
You are to have implicit confidence in your own ability,
knowing that it is the nature of thought
to externalize itself in your health and affairs,
knowing that you are the thinker.
- Ernest Holmes
Uncertainty that comes from knowledge
(knowing what you don't know)
is different from uncertainty coming from ignorance.
- Isaac Asimov
People disparage knowing and the intellectual life,
and urge doing.
I am content with knowing, if only I could know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only thing that makes life possible
is permanent, intolerable uncertainty;
not knowing what comes next.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with a person;
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but to pour them all out, just as they are,
chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping, and then,
with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
- George Eliot
I decided that it was not wisdom that
enabled poets to write their poetry,
but a kind of instinct or inspiration,
such as you find in seers and prophets
who deliver all their sublime messages
without knowing in the least what they mean.
- Socrates
I Dance with a Light Heart.
I play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks
for everything that happens to you,
knowing that every step forward is a step toward
achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
- Brian Tracy
The only things one can admire at length
are those one admires without knowing why.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Real love is never a selfish emotion.
If you want something from someone -
especially if that something is sex -
what you are feeling is not true love.
True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -
and not about seeking happiness for yourself.
Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence
is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.
Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing
we would choose never to see that person again
if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.
- Paul Tournier
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear.
- The Buddha
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.