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Let these funny Outsiders Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Outsiders can help, but insiders must do the job.
- Jimmy Yen
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller 
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
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There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
Understanding does not cure evil,
but it is a definite help,
inasmuch as one can cope
with a comprehensible darkness.
- Carl Jung
The purpose of human life is to serve,
and to show compassion and the will to help others.
- Albert Schweitzer
The most important outcome of education
is to help students become independent of formal education.
- Paul E. Gray
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
The most effective way to cope with change
is to help create it.
- L. W. Lynett
You can have anything you want in life if you
just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar
Quotations help us remember the simple yet profound truths
that give life perspective and meaning.
- Criswell Freeman
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be,
and you'll help them to become
what they are capable of becoming.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor,
it cannot save the few who are rich.
- John F. Kennedy
A man is truly ethical only when he obeys
the compulsion to help all life which he is able to assist,
and shrinks from injuring anything that lives.
- Albert Schweitzer
If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy
You cannot teach a man anything;
you can only help him find it within himself.
- Galileo Galilei
Whosoever is spared personal pain
must feel himself called
to help in diminishing the pain of others.
We must all carry our share of
the misery which lies upon the world.
- Albert Schweitzer
Every loving thought is true.
Everything else is an appeal for healing and help,
regardless of the form it takes.
- A Course In Miracles
Everything that slows us down and forces patience,
everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature,
is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.
- May Sarton
It is not so much our friends' help that helps us,
as the confidence of their help.
- Epicurus
God helps them that help themselves.
- Algernon Sidney
If you can, help others;
if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Great opportunities to help others seldom come,
but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch
He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.
- Abraham Lincoln
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
The secret of success is to find a need and fill it,
to find a hurt and heal it,
to find somebody with a problem
and offer to help solve it.
- Robert H. Schuller
Life is about more than today, and more than yourself.
What will your legacy be?
What will your great-grandchildren be told about you?
Creating a legacy does not have to be a burden,
it can be your joy and can create
your satisfaction with living each day.
What kind of world do you want to leave your great-grandchildren?
What can you do today to help create that world?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact.
- William James
I get by with a little help from my friends.
- John Lennon
We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking
only to learn that it is God shaking them.
- Charles West
Nothing can stop the man with the right
mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude.
- Thomas Jefferson
A religion that takes no account of practical affairs
and does not help to solve them, is no religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.
And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life,
that no man can sincerely try
to help another without helping himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear.
Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one.
Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
- The Buddha
It's okay to make mistakes.
Mistakes are our teachers - they help us to learn.
- John Bradshaw
A man is ethical only when life, as such, is sacred to him,
that of plants and animals as that of his fellow men,
and when he devotes himself helpfully
to all life that is in need of help.
- Albert Schweitzer
The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was:
"If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?"
But... the good Samaritan reversed the question:
"If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is necessary to help others,
not only in our prayers,
but in our daily lives.
If we find we cannot help others,
the least we can do is to desist from harming them.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Nobody needs your help.
I know, I know, this is a difficult one. But it is true.
This does not mean no one wants your help,
or that no one could use your help.
It simply means the thought that another
Aspect of Divinity is powerless without you is inaccurate.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Laugh at yourself and at life.
Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity,
but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain,
cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective
that seemingly terrible defeat and worry
with laughter at your predicaments,
thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution
that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.
- Og Mandino
There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them
what they could and should do for themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is unlimited.
Your world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that you contribute.
Money that is spent or given away returns multiplied.
The more love that is given, the more love returns.
The more a helping hand is given, the more hands
are strengthened and empowered to help.
We can help each other to all be winners.
We can all have food, and jobs, and love, and happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Regrets and their cousins, resentments,
are a huge cause of self-inflicted suffering.
Sometimes it takes years of psychotherapy
to gain freedom from regrets about what you did or did not do,
and freedom from resentment over what others did or did not do.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime of self-talk to remember
to put the past in the past where it belongs.
However, sometimes a simple symbolic act can help immeasurably
to grant ourselves freedom from the past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is our choices ... that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)
In soloing - as in other activities -
it is far easier to start something
than it is to finish it.
- Amelia Earhart
As far as I'm concerned, I prefer
silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
- Albert Einstein
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
How far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott
If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill
When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
- John Muir
The Answers of Spirit are far more powerful
than the Questions of our small minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Faith is the highest passion in a human being.
Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Far from idleness being the root of all evil,
it is rather the only true good.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I never saw a discontented tree.
They grip the ground as though they liked it,
and though fast rooted, they travel about as far as we do.
- John Muir
To be seventy years young is sometimes
far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.