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Let these funny Benjamin Franklin Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
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Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain,
and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin 
Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]
Make yourself sheep and the wolves will eat you.
- Benjamin Franklin
Money has never made man happy, nor will it,
there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness.
The more of it one has the more one wants.
- Benjamin Franklin
A good example is the best sermon.
- Benjamin Franklin
He that would fish, must venture his bait.
- Benjamin Franklin
Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.
- Benjamin Franklin
Energy and persistence conquer all things.
- Benjamin Franklin
For want of a nail the shoe was lost;
for want of a shoe the horse was lost;
and for want of a horse the rider was lost.
- Benjamin Franklin
They who can give up essential liberty
to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin
Necessity never made a good bargain.
- Benjamin Franklin
A house is not a home unless it
contains food and fire
for the mind as well as the body.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am the lord of myself, accountable to none.
- Benjamin Franklin
Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin
It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin
Hide not your talents,
they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?
- Benjamin Franklin
Half a truth is often a great lie.
- Benjamin Franklin
Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.
- Benjamin Franklin
A penny saved is a penny earned.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]
Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin
If a man empties his purse into his head,
no man can take it away from him.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
- Benjamin Franklin
He that hath a Trade, hath an Estate.
- Benjamin Franklin
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
- Benjamin Franklin
We must all hang together,
or assuredly we shall all hang separately.
- Benjamin Franklin
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff that life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin
It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.
- Benjamin Franklin
When the well's dry, we know the worth of water.
- Benjamin Franklin
We must, indeed, all hang together or,
most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
- Benjamin Franklin
Little strokes,
Fell great oaks.
- Benjamin Franklin
Fear not death; for the sooner we die,
the longer shall we be immortal.
- Benjamin Franklin
Early to bed and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- Benjamin Franklin
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
- Benjamin Franklin
A little neglect may breed great mischief.
- Benjamin Franklin
Do not anticipate trouble,
or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.
- Benjamin Franklin
Eat to live, and not live to eat.
- Benjamin Franklin
Does thou love life? Then do not squander time;
for that's the stuff life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin
At twenty years of age the will reigns;
at thirty, the wit;
and at forty, the judgment.
- Benjamin Franklin
What you seem to be, be really.
- Benjamin Franklin
Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind,
than on outward circumstances.
- Benjamin Franklin
There was never a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin
Love your Neighbor; yet don't pull down your Hedge.
- Benjamin Franklin
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
- Benjamin Franklin
The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]
Hunger is the best pickle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.