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Let these funny Describes Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
"Beginner Mind" is a Zen Buddhist term
that describes moving past our assumptions
of the nature of our life,
and really SEEING our surroundings -
especially the people we interact with -
with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Each of us holds a different image of God.
There are as many perspectives on
the nature of God as there are people.
However much any of us may choose to argue,
or to fight and kill, for our point of view,
the nature of God is an unanswerable question.
Perhaps there is a specific answer,
that we will never learn - in this lifetime.
Perhaps the nature of God is so complex and multifaceted
that each view of God describes an aspect of the complex whole.
Or perhaps the nature of God is actually defined by our beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln
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All these primary impulses,
not easily described in words,
are the springs of man's actions.
- Albert Einstein
The Spirit is described in the Holy Scriptures
as much more anarchic than any established religion credits.
- Bono
Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.
Every appearance in nature corresponds to some state of the mind,
and that state of the mind can only be described
by presenting that natural appearance as its picture.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The movie character Forrest Gump describing life
as being "like a box of chocolates,"
is such a positive upbeat way of
characterizing the uncertainty of life.
I have no idea what life will give me next,
but whatever it is, it will be sweet.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump
I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.