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Let these funny Buddhist Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice,
more drunkards than thirst,
and perhaps as many suicides as despair.
- The Buddha
The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama 
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You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
- The Buddha
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile
can be the source of your joy.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Happiness is not something ready made.
It comes from your own actions.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
However many holy words you read, however many you speak,
what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
- The Buddha
When someone has a strong intuitive connection,
Buddhism suggests that it's because of karma,
some past connection.
- Richard Gere
The tongue like a sharp knife...
Kills without drawing blood.
- The Buddha
Ambition is like love,
impatient both of delays and rivals.
- The Buddha
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha
With realization of one's own potential and
self-confidence in one's ability,
one can build a better world.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
The ultimate authority must always rest
with the individual's own reason and critical analysis.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Better than a thousand hollow words,
is one word that brings peace.
- The Buddha
Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe
We receive this food in gratitude to all beings
Who have helped to bring it to our table,
And vow to respond in turn to those in need
With wisdom and compassion.
- Buddhist Blessing
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserves your love and affection.
- The Buddha
Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as
your own unguarded thoughts.
- The Buddha
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Buddhist proverb
Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
- The Buddha
Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon, and the truth.
- The Buddha
It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe,
that lures him to evil ways.
- The Buddha
Work out your own salvation.
Do not depend on others.
- The Buddha
Whether one believes in a religion or not,
and whether one believes in rebirth or not,
there isn't anyone who doesn't
appreciate kindness and compassion.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
To keep the body in good health is a duty...
otherwise we shall not be able
to keep our mind strong and clear.
- The Buddha
Without health, life is not life;
it is only a state of languor and suffering -
an image of death.
- The Buddha
I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha
Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time.
Hatred ceases through love.
This is an unalterable law.
- The Buddha
Be gentle first with yourself.
- Lama Yeshe
We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
There has to be evil so that
good can prove its purity above it.
- The Buddha
We can live without religion and meditation,
but we cannot survive without human affection.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.
- The Buddha
Remember that not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
We can never obtain peace in the outer world
until we make peace with ourselves.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
If you can, help others;
if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
The key to happiness is inner peace.
The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions
such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion,
while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility
are the sources of peace and happiness.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Abandon hope.
- Pema Chodron
Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.
- The Buddha
I teach one thing and one only:
that is, suffering and the end of suffering.
- The Buddha
Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha
To live a pure unselfish life,
one must count nothing as one's own
in the midst of abundance.
- The Buddha
Be kind whenever possible; and it is always possible.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Your work is to discover your world
and then with all your heart give yourself to it.
- The Buddha
Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression
by saying something,
and sometimes one creates as significant
an impression by remaining silent.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
We are formed and molded by our thoughts.
Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts
give joy when they speak or act.
Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.
- The Buddha
If in our daily life we can smile,
if we can be peaceful and happy,
not only we, but everyone will profit from it.
This is the most basic kind of peace work.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
The wise ones fashioned speech with their thought,
sifting it as grain is sifted through a sieve.
- The Buddha
Sleep is the best meditation.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
An insincere and evil friend is more
to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body,
but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- The Buddha
All wrong-doing arises because of mind.
If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?
- The Buddha
Hatred does not cease by hatred,
but only by love;
this is the eternal rule.
- The Buddha
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care
for people will hear them and be influenced
by them for good or ill.
- The Buddha
Spend some time alone every day.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
He who experiences the unity of life
sees his own Self in all beings,
and all beings in his own Self,
and looks on everything with an impartial eye.
- The Buddha
Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked
than it is loved by the good.
- The Buddha
Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.
- The Buddha
To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake
is to be continually thrown out of the nest.
- Pema Chodron
Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike.
Each has their suffering.
Some suffer too much, others too little.
- The Buddha
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Through violence, you may 'solve' one problem,
but you sow the seeds for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Love is the absence of judgment.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.
And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger,
regret, cravings, frustration, fatigue.
Let go of the need for approval.
- Lama Surya Das
Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.