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Let these funny Captain Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
O Captain. My Captain. our fearful trip is done.
- Walt Whitman
I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley
There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation
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Friendship must dare to risk, or it's not friendship.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
We must be free not because we claim freedom,
but because we practice it.
- William Faulkner
I claim that human mind or human society
is not divided into watertight compartments
called social, political and religious.
All act and react upon one another.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I claim to be a simple individual liable
to err like any other fellow mortal.
I own, however, that I have humility enough
to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We are born at a given moment, in a given place and,
like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year
and of the season of which we are born.
Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.
- Carl Jung
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.