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Let these funny Untrue Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The speed of communications is wondrous to behold.
It is also true that speed can multiply
the distribution of information that we know to be untrue.
- Edward R. Murrow
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
- David Farragut
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There is more to life than increasing its speed.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Walking takes longer...
than any other known form of locomotion except crawling.
Thus it stretches time and prolongs life.
Life is already too short to waste on speed.
- Edward Abbey
In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Power and speed be hands and feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The newest computer can merely compound, at speed,
the oldest problem in the relations between human beings,
and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem,
of what to say and how to say it.
- Edward R. Murrow
On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.