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Let these funny Guest Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I am trying to own my own opinions
and offer what I know as an option,
just as I would present a tray of appetizers for my guests.
Here are several choices that I have created -
if one looks good you are welcome to take it.
In other words, I am training myself to say,
"May I tell you how it is for me?"
When I ask the question, it means waiting
for the invitation to share.
It also means being prepared for my friend to say,
"No." They don't want to know.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than to buy an assault weapon.
- William J. Clinton
Some'll rob you with a six gun,
Some with a fountain pen.
- Woody Guthrie
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies in the final sense
a theft from those who hunger and are not fed,
those who are cold and are not clothed.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The light at the end of the tunnel
may be an oncoming train.
- Anonymous
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Capture a shadow,
dance with the wind,
stand in a rainbow,
begin at the end.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
- Aristotle
It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition.
- Bono
We live in a wonderful world that is
full of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures that we can have
if only we seek them with our eyes open.
- Jawaharlal Nehru
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
The power of intuitive understanding
will protect you from harm until the end of your days.
- Lao Tzu
When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
At the end of a matter ask,
"What will I learn from this to make me better?"
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
It's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Everything is okay in the end.
If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
- Anonymous
Trust your instinct to the end,
though you can render no reason.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have always held firmly to the thought
that each one of us can do a little
to bring some portion of misery to an end.
- Albert Schweitzer
And in the end, it's not
the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
If patience is worth anything,
it must endure to the end of time.
And a living faith will last
in the midst of the blackest storm.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Mankind must put an end to war
before war puts an end to mankind.
- John F. Kennedy
I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist.
I am willing to fight for peace.
Nothing will end war unless
the people themselves refuse to go to war.
- Albert Einstein
The truth is incontrovertible,
malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it,
but in the end; there it is.
- Winston Churchill
A bend in the road is not the end of the road
unless you fail to make the turn.
- Anonymous
At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere
People in their handlings of affairs
often fail when they are about to succeed.
If one remains as careful at the end
as he was at the beginning,
there will be no failure.
- Lao Tzu
It is the journey that matters, in the end
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end -
no apologies, no regrets.
- Henry Kissinger
Life is a journey. It is not a race to test
who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot.
Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander -
watching the view to left and right - above and below -
as the days slowly move past in dress review.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy
To be what we are,
and to become what we are capable of becoming,
is the only end in life.
- Baruch Spinoza
A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus
Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous
Now this is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
- Winston Churchill
The way of success:
Visualize the end result,
Plan, Take action, Persevere,
Re-plan, Take action, Persevere.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world
doesn't mean you are wiser
than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
- Edward R. Murrow
What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
- T. S. Eliot
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls a butterfly.
- Richard Bach
If it is surely the means to the highest end we know,
can any work be humble or disgusting?
Will it not rather be elevating as a ladder,
the means by which we are translated?
- Henry David Thoreau
I teach one thing and one only:
that is, suffering and the end of suffering.
- The Buddha
The end of life is to be like God,
and the soul following God will be like Him.
- Socrates
"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll
It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall.
He will end by destroying the earth.
- Albert Schweitzer
If I choose to bless another person,
I will always end up feeling more blessed.
- Marianne Williamson
The wise man looks back into the past,
and does not grieve over what is far off,
nor rejoice over what is near;
for he knows that time is without end.
- Lao Tzu
Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.
It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing;
it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
- Margaret Thatcher
I do the very best I know how -
the very best I can;
and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.
- Abraham Lincoln
Let's have faith that right makes might;
and in that faith let us, to the end,
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin
Does who we are begin with breath,
depend on form, or end with death?
- Kirtana
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.