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Let these funny Tire Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If we tire of the saints,
Shakespeare is our city of refuge.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain
Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
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Do not think that love,
in order to be genuine,
has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
- Mother Teresa
You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die.
- John Lennon
We are tired of aristocratic explanations in Harvard words.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.
We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ecstasy is our very nature;
not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary.
To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous.
It needs no effort to be ecstatic,
it needs great effort to be miserable.
That's why you look to tired,
because misery is really hard work;
to maintain it is really difficult,
because you are doing something against nature.
- Osho
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
- inscribed on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
In your days - things like this happen to you...
You get a tap, a nudge, a gentle shake,
and life whispers to you, "I know you're tired -
but I don't want you to miss this."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.