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Funny Shakespeare Quotes
Funny Quotes about Shakespeare

Let these funny Shakespeare Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin

What's done is done.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO


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To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare


 

Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
- William Shakespeare

Discretion is the better part of valor.
(originally "The better part of valor is discretion")
- William Shakespeare

Be true to thyself.
- William Shakespeare
(paraphrase of Shakespeare's famous quote)

In time we hate that which we often fear.
- William Shakespeare

Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- William Shakespeare

Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet
- William Shakespeare

When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew.
- commonly but falsely attributed to William Shakespeare

All's well that ends well.
- Proverb (and title of a Shakespeare play)

Expectation is the root of all heartache.
- William Shakespeare

It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which
doth mock the meat it feeds on.
- William Shakespeare

Love is blind.
- William Shakespeare

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
- William Shakespeare

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare

When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare

One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
- William Shakespeare

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- William Shakespeare

The golden age is before us, not behind us.
- William Shakespeare

There is nothing either good or bad,
but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

To thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
- William Shakespeare

All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare

If we tire of the saints,
Shakespeare is our city of refuge.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
- William Shakespeare

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new- hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
- William Shakespeare

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau

Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Today, try something you have never tried before.
Perhaps just a food that is new to you -
perhaps a whole new way of living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government,
except all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery,
I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
- Abraham Lincoln

I tried to remember how to exhale.
I had to look away before it came back to me.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln

There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,
but with what it is still possible for you to do.
- Pope John XXIII

If you tried to give rock and roll another name,
you might call it "Chuck Berry."
- John Lennon

All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower
wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.
- Abraham Lincoln

Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it because I want to do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn

A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus

Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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