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Let these funny Person Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec 
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The choice is to work alone to be a little
more successful than the next person,
or to work together for the great betterment of humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you find peace within yourself,
you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
- Peace Pilgrim
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
If I choose to bless another person,
I will always end up feeling more blessed.
- Marianne Williamson
Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson
To dream of the person you would like to be
is to waste the person you are.
- Anonymous
We really have to understand the person we want to love.
If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Nurturing is not complex.
It's simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you
and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I recognize that the person I was in my past
is not the person I am today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A mother is not a person to lean on,
but a person to make leaning unnecessary.
- Dorothy Canfield Fisher
The envious person grows lean
with the fatness of their neighbor.
- Socrates
A happy person is not a person in a
certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person with a
certain set of attitudes.
- Hugh Downs
The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin
It is noted that a stopped clock is correct twice each day.
In a similar manner, a person who is unchanging appears wise occasionally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals
relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship.
They will be loving to each other,
but not being possessive of each other.
They will be sharing with each other
all their joys and all their blessings,
but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating,
thinking of enslaving the other person.
- Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
- Richard Feynman
What is necessary to change a person is
to change his awareness of himself.
- Abraham Maslow
A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is no goodness in attempting to coerce
another person into performing a good deed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives,
everything he does becomes tainted.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being.
With freedom comes responsibility.
For the person who is unwilling to grow up,
the person who does not want to carry is own weight,
this is a frightening prospect.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.