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Let these funny Involuntary Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
- Mark Twain
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde 
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
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Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley
If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain,
and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
We are not afraid to follow truth
wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate any error
so long as reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Hunger makes a thief of any man.
- Pearl S. Buck
Habit is habit,
and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.
- Mark Twain
Freedom is never dear at any price.
It is the breath of life.
What would a man not pay for living?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
- James Feibleman
It is any day better to stand erect
with a broken and bandaged head
then to crawl on one's belly,
in order to be able to save one's head.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction
because of the variety of factors in operation,
not because of any lack of order in nature.
- Albert Einstein
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I am a firm believer in the people.
If given the truth, they can be depended upon
to meet any national crisis.
The great point is to bring them the real facts.
- Abraham Lincoln
You cannot divorce religious belief and public service.
I've never detected any conflict between
God's will and my political duty.
If you violate one, you violate the other.
- Jimmy Carter
I reject any religious doctrine that does not appeal
to reason and is in conflict with morality.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed
in any subject as I am in mine.
- Charles Darwin
Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke
You may be always victorious if
you will never enter into any contest
where the issue does not wholly depend upon yourself.
- Epictetus
God's Spirit moves through us and the world
at a pace that can never be constricted
by any one religious paradigm.
I love that.
- Bono
Begin to act from your dominion.
Declare the truth by telling yourself
that there is nothing to be afraid of,
that you no longer entertain any images of fear.
- Ernest Holmes
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet
- William Shakespeare
I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin
The world turns aside to let any man pass
who knows where he is going.
- Epictetus
Increase of material comforts,
it may be generally laid down,
does not in any way whatsoever
conduce to moral growth.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is no person in this room whose basic rights
are not involved in any successful defiance
to the carrying out of court orders.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The dream you are living is your creation.
It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Any man who reads too much
and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein
Pessimism never won any battle.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
You must not under any pretense allow
your mind to dwell on any thought
that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.
- Emmet Fox
Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi
We do not covet anything from any nation except their respect.
- Winston Churchill
Where there is an observatory and a telescope,
we expect that any eyes will see new worlds at once.
- Henry David Thoreau
Compassion and generosity must be the heart of any true religion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien
How can any man be weak who dares to be at all?
- Henry David Thoreau
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Most everything in life is about our
point-of-view rather than any absolute.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully, is prepared to die at any time.
- Mark Twain
Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude.
- Dale Carnegie
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills
If it is surely the means to the highest end we know,
can any work be humble or disgusting?
Will it not rather be elevating as a ladder,
the means by which we are translated?
- Henry David Thoreau
The greatest discovery of any generation
is that a human being
can alter his life by
altering his attitude
- William James
If a man loses his reverence for any part of life,
he will lose his reverence for all of life.
- Albert Schweitzer
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly,
the true place for a just man is also a prison.
- Henry David Thoreau
Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler.
- Albert Einstein
The most common way people give up their power
is by thinking they don't have any.
- Alice Walker
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.