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Let these funny Incumbent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It is incumbent on every generation
to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would
save one-half the wars of the world.
- Thomas Jefferson
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Hold on with a bulldog grip,
and chew and choke as much as possible.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Fly Life on Free Wings, and Sing to its Glory.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
- Mo Udall
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
I am not the same having seen the moon shine
on the other side of the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.