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Let these funny Falseness Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
- Neale Donald Walsch
FEAR is an acronym in the English language
for "False Evidence Appearing Real."
- Neale Donald Walsch
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr
It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary
to put all the play and learning into childhood,
all the work into middle age,
and all the regrets into old age.
- Margaret Mead
Beware of false knowledge;
it is more dangerous than ignorance.
- George Bernard Shaw
The false can never grow into truth by growing in power.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I think and think for months and years.
Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false.
The hundredth time I am right.
- Albert Einstein
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
There are trivial truths and there are great truths.
The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
- Niels Bohr
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter
It is always better to have no ideas than false ones;
to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong.
- Thomas Jefferson
False words are not only evil in themselves,
but they infect the soul with evil.
- Socrates
Constant development is the law of life,
and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas
in order to appear consistent
drives himself into a false position.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting
some false and most pernicious notions about consistency -
and to such a degree that the average man has
turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around
and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized,
where it should be his humiliation.
- Mark Twain
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
- William Butler Yeats
"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.
One man with courage makes a majority.
- old saying probably repeated by Andrew Jackson
(falsely attributed to Jefferson)
When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew.
- commonly but falsely attributed to William Shakespeare
Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- commonly but falsely attributed to Dr. Seuss,
this misquote consists of the Bernard Baruch quote,
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
with additional words added anonymously.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.