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Let these funny Charles Darwin Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
I cannot persuade myself that a
beneficent and omnipotent God
would have designedly created parasitic wasps
with the express intention of their feeding
within the living bodies of caterpillars.
- Charles Darwin
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
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A man who dares to waste one hour of time
has not discovered the value of life.
- Charles Darwin
In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin
The very essence of instinct is that
it's followed independently of reason.
- Charles Darwin
In the struggle for survival,
the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals
because they succeed in adapting
themselves best to their environment.
- Charles Darwin
On the ordinary view of each species
having been independently created,
we gain no scientific explanation.
- Charles Darwin
The highest possible stage in moral culture
is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.
- Charles Darwin
We must, however, acknowledge, as it seems to me,
that man with all his noble qualities...
still bears in his bodily frame
the indelible stamp of his lowly origin.
- Charles Darwin
A moral being is one who is capable of reflecting
on his past actions and their motives -
of approving of some and disapproving of others.
- Charles Darwin
How paramount the future is to the present
when one is surrounded by children.
- Charles Darwin
The mystery of the beginning
of all things is insoluble by us;
and I for one, must be content to remain an agnostic.
- Charles Darwin
If the misery of the poor be caused
not by the laws of nature,
but by our institutions,
great is our sin.
- Charles Darwin
I have called this principle,
by which each slight variation, if useful, is preserved,
by the term of Natural Selection.
- Charles Darwin
Animals, whom we have made our slaves,
we do not like to consider our equal.
- Charles Darwin
It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed
in any subject as I am in mine.
- Charles Darwin
To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin
We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin
A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.
- Charles Darwin
It is not the strongest of the species that survive,
nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
What a book a devil's chaplain might write
on the clumsy, wasteful, blundering, low,
and horribly cruel work of nature!
- Charles Darwin
Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin
My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for
grinding general laws out of large collections of facts.
- Charles Darwin
I love fools' experiments.
I am always making them.
- Charles Darwin
A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections, -
a mere heart of stone.
- Charles Darwin
I am turned into a sort of machine for observing facts
and grinding out conclusions.
- Charles Darwin
Man tends to increase at a greater rate
than his means of subsistence.
- Charles Darwin
False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau
I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government,
except all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill
I tried to remember how to exhale.
I had to look away before it came back to me.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery,
I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
- Abraham Lincoln
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill
Today, try something you have never tried before.
Perhaps just a food that is new to you -
perhaps a whole new way of living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,
but with what it is still possible for you to do.
- Pope John XXIII
If you tried to give rock and roll another name,
you might call it "Chuck Berry."
- John Lennon
All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower
wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.
- Abraham Lincoln
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new- hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
- William Shakespeare
Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it because I want to do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn
We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken
A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional
Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17
When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain
Life is a dangerous - ultimately fatal - endeavor,
so you may as well live it full out.
Chart your course, cast off the lines,
and boldly sail the seas of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.