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Let these funny Contradicts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The new rage is to say that the government
is the cause of all our problems,
and if only we had no government, we'd have no problems.
I can tell you, that contradicts
evidence, history, and common sense.
- William J. Clinton
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming
that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A contradiction can not exist in reality.
Not in part, nor in whole.
- Terry Goodkind
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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