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Let these funny Annoyance Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
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If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
Never Let Anyone Get Your Goat,
Push Your Buttons,
Get You Riled Up,
or Annoy You.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.