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Funny Think Quotes
Funny Quotes about Think

Let these funny Think Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin


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The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein


 

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel

The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation
of confusion, misery and death...
I think... peace and tranquillity will return again.
- Anne Frank

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould

We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung

The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono

The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I hear many people talk about their longing for a balanced life.
What I think they are really expressing
is a desire for a life with less pressure.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

Most of us are prisoners of habit,
and don't even notice that we do the same things,
think the same things, want the same things each day -
mostly without conscious thought.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The grand aim of all science is to cover
the greatest number of empirical facts
by logical deduction from
the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
- Albert Einstein

We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
- Winston Churchill

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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