Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Altruism Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Every man must decide whether he will
walk in the light of creative altruism
or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Thank you for visiting: Funny Altruism Quotes - Funny Quotes about Altruism.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.