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It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall 
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
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You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Just because I don't care,
doesn't mean I don't understand.
- Matt Groening's TV series The Simpsons.
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill
It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thank you for visiting: It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography. ... by Woody Allen.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.