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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Vegas Quotes
Funny Quotes about Vegas

Let these funny Vegas Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The ad agency's name for Hell is "Las Vegas."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall


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Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner


 

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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