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Let these funny B. C. Forbes Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
- B. C. Forbes
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.