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Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West 
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
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Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
I didn't want to marry anybody else in town.
I want my baby to look like you.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.