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Let these funny Utilize Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Life is ever giving of Itself.
We must receive, utilize and extend the gift.
Success and prosperity are spiritual attributes
belonging to all people.
- Ernest Holmes
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz 
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.