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Let these funny Satisfactorily Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
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Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney
I have a dream that my four little children will one day
live in a nation where they will
not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz
A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous
Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln
There are only four questions of value in life...
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for,
and what is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same: only love.
- Johnny Depp as Don Juan in the movie Don Juan De Marco
Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience,
independent will and creative imagination.
These give us the ultimate human freedom...
The power to choose, to respond, to change.
- Stephen Covey
When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams
The Master teaches that the way of qigong cannot be hurried.
Wuji refers to the time before the creation -
when everything was formless.
Standing in the wuji position, my feet are parallel
to each other, shoulder-width apart.
My knees are slightly bent,
and the tip of my tongue touches the roof of my mouth.
My arms are held in front of me with my elbows bent
and my palms parallel to each other - about four inches apart.
At first I focus on my breathing, and only my breathing.
Later, I visualize the energy or "Qi" between my palms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
If there is one principle more deeply rooted
in the mind of every American,
it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.
- Thomas Jefferson
Faith keeps many doubts in her pay.
If I could not doubt, I should not believe.
- Henry David Thoreau
The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
You should never be content with so little,
when you can reach out for something big.
- Charles L. Allen
(This quote is about making a big difference
in the world - not about greed)
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care
for people will hear them and be influenced
by them for good or ill.
- The Buddha
A man should look for what is,
and not for what he thinks should be.
- Albert Einstein
All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance
and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Everyone should be respected as an individual,
but no one idolized.
- Albert Einstein
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
In wartime, truth is so precious that she
should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
- Winston Churchill
We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson
If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung
A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.