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Let these funny Entertain Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Begin to act from your dominion.
Declare the truth by telling yourself
that there is nothing to be afraid of,
that you no longer entertain any images of fear.
- Ernest Holmes
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able
to entertain a thought without accepting it.
- Aristotle
One unlikelihood entertained leads a parade of innovation.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.