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Let these funny Commences Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience
it is necessary for us to do the opposite,
that is to commence with experience
and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Intellectual growth should commence at birth
and cease only at death.
- Albert Einstein
A truly good book teaches me better than to read it.
I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.
What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.
- Henry David Thoreau
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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The intellect is a cold thing
and a merely intellectual idea
will never stimulate thought
in the same manner that a spiritual idea does.
- Ernest Holmes
People disparage knowing and the intellectual life,
and urge doing.
I am content with knowing, if only I could know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
God is a metaphor for that which transcends
all levels of intellectual thought.
It's as simple as that.
- Joseph Campbell
Physical fitness is not only one of
the most important keys to a healthy body,
it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.
- John F. Kennedy
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.