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Let these funny Agent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If the machine of government is of such a nature
that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another,
then, I say, break the law.
- Henry David Thoreau
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller 
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
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I'm saving that rocker for the day
when I feel as old as I really am.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken
In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
- Albert Einstein
Confusion of goals and perfection of means seems,
in my opinion, to characterize our age.
- Albert Einstein
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
"I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman
Every formula of every religion has, in this age of reason,
to submit to the acid test of reason and universal assent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
- Henry David Thoreau
And in the end, it's not
the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty, never grows old.
- Franz Kafka
The youth gets together his materials
to build a bridge to the moon,
or, perchance, a palace or temple on the earth,
and, at length, the middle-aged man
concludes to build a woodshed with them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Dreams are renewable no matter what our age.
- Dale Turner
The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller
Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
At twenty years of age the will reigns;
at thirty, the wit;
and at forty, the judgment.
- Benjamin Franklin
We prefer world law in the age of self-determination
to world war in the age of mass extermination.
- John F. Kennedy
We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow
The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
- Helen Keller
Keep courage. Whatever you do,
do not feel sorry for yourself.
You will win in a great age of opportunity.
- Richard L. Evans
Life is to be taken lightly
by those who wish to be happy
and by those who wish to age gracefully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Reading, after a certain age,
diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits.
Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein
The golden age is before us, not behind us.
- William Shakespeare
Age does not protect you from love.
But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
- Anais Nin
It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary
to put all the play and learning into childhood,
all the work into middle age,
and all the regrets into old age.
- Margaret Mead
Naturally, every age thinks that all ages before it were prejudiced,
and today we think this more than ever, and are just as wrong
as all previous ages that thought so.
How often have we not seen the truth condemned!
It is sad but unfortunately true that man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Instead of being presented with stereotypes
by age, sex, color, class, or religion,
children must have the opportunity
to learn that within each range,
some people are loathsome and some are delightful.
- Margaret Mead
Each age, it is found, must write its own books;
or rather, each generation for the next succeeding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every great architect is - necessarily - a great poet.
He must be a great original interpreter
of his time, his day, his age.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
One of the greatest titles we can have is "old friend."
We never appreciate how important old friends are until we are older.
The problem is we need to start our old friendships when we are young.
We then have to nurture and grow those friendships over our middle age
when a busy life and changing geographies
can cause us to neglect those friends.
Today is the day to invest in those people
we hope will call us "old friend" in the years to come.
- Grant Fairley
Probably the happiest period in life
most frequently is in middle age,
when the eager passions of youth are cooled,
and the infirmities of age not yet begun;
as we see that the shadows,
which are at morning and evening so large,
almost entirely disappear at midday.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Are creeds such simple things like the clothes
which a man can change at will - and put on at will?
Creeds are such for which people live for ages and ages.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is a secret wisdom-of-the-ages
that holds the key to breaking
our cycle of self-imposed suffering.
The secret wisdom is,
"Life is not supposed to be fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Individually, we do have our crises -
mostly from unexpected directions,
but so have all people from all ages.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Borrowing knowledge of reality from all sources,
taking the best from every study,
Science of Mind brings together
the highest enlightenment of the ages.
- Ernest Holmes
The highest thinkers of the ages,
the seers of the tribes and the nations,
have been optimists.
- Helen Keller
All the Buddhas of all the ages have been
telling you a very simple fact:
Be - don't try to become.
Within these two words, be and becoming,
your whole life is contained.
Being is enlightenment, becoming is ignorance.
- Osho
The highest result of education is tolerance.
Long ago men fought and died for their faith;
but it took ages to teach them the other kind of courage, -
the courage to recognize the faiths of their brethren
and their rights of conscience.
- Helen Keller
There is a secret wisdom-of-the-ages
that holds the key to breaking our
cycle of self-imposed suffering.
The secret wisdom is, "Life is not supposed to be fair."
This is not sad news. This is GLORIOUS news!
Life is not broken. Nothing is wrong.
God has not failed, died, or gone on vacation.
The world is working perfectly. We just misunderstood.
Somewhere along the way, someone got the idea that
life was "supposed" to be "fair,"
and all the trouble started -
expectation, disappointment, resentment, anger -
a whole cycle of suffering that began
with the belief that life is "supposed" to be "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
- William Shakespeare
A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10
How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.