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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain 
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
- Mark Twain
Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
It ain't those parts of the Bible
that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
- Mark Twain
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Truth is stranger than fiction,
but that is because Fiction is obliged
to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
- Mark Twain
Comedy keeps the heart sweet.
- Mark Twain
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
- Mark Twain
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
- Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
- Mark Twain
The very ink with which all history
is written is merely fluid prejudice.
- Mark Twain
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side
which he never shows to anybody.
- Mark Twain
Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval -
a thing which, to the general run of the human race,
is more dreaded than wolves and death.
- Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Mark Twain
Don't part with your illusions.
When they are gone you may still exist,
but you have ceased to live.
- Mark Twain
Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain
Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain
Habit is habit,
and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.
- Mark Twain
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain
Great people are those who make others feel
that they, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to bigotry, prejudice, and narrow-mindedness.
- Mark Twain
What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain
When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear,
and the blind can see.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.