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Let these funny Thistle Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Do not blame the thistle that you see no beauty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want it said of me by those who knew me best,
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln
Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln
All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower
wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.
- Abraham Lincoln
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.