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Let these funny Substance Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Beware, lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
- Aesop
Morality is the basis of things
and truth is the substance of all morality.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
God is all there is - God includes everything,
all possibility and all action,
for Spirit is the invisible essence and substance of all form.
- Ernest Holmes
I will dance a little.
I will move with the wind.
I will give my body to my love and celebrate
that we have substance beyond the idea of ourselves.
We can move. We can touch. This is my physical exclamation point.
This is how I can awaken my mind to the possibilities in the day.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
An association of men who will not quarrel with one another
is a thing which has never yet existed,
from the greatest confederacy of nations
down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson
Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
- Anais Nin
There comes that mysterious meeting in life
when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be,
igniting the circuits of our highest potential.
- Rusty Berkus
We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.
- Seneca
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill
People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill
a president of the United States, he can do it.
All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's.
- John F. Kennedy
The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully, is prepared to die at any time.
- Mark Twain
"Be Prepared."
"Be prepared for what?"
"Why, for any old thing."
- Robert Baden-Powell,
the founder of Scouting.
[as quoted in the Boy Scout Handbook]
I am prepared to die, but there is no cause
for which I am prepared to kill.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I am trying to own my own opinions
and offer what I know as an option,
just as I would present a tray of appetizers for my guests.
Here are several choices that I have created -
if one looks good you are welcome to take it.
In other words, I am training myself to say,
"May I tell you how it is for me?"
When I ask the question, it means waiting
for the invitation to share.
It also means being prepared for my friend to say,
"No." They don't want to know.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France
We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.