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Let these funny Spouse Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Love your spouse as they are,
and forgive them everything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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It's YOUR time - it's YOUR life -
YOU get to choose how you use it. T
here is no way that your life is "supposed" to be.
Your parents had their vision for your life.
Your boss, your spouse, your church, your friends,
and even the family next door have their ideas
of how you should live your life.
What about YOUR vision for your life?
What do YOU want?
YES, it matters what you want.
YES you can have what you want.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Choose love. Choose to release all resentments.
Forgive everyone. Choose to release all regrets.
Forgive yourself for all decisions that you have ever made
that didn't work out as you hoped.
Forgive yourself for any financial decisions
that didn't meet your expectations.
Release your regrets if you choose
the "wrong" spouse or the "wrong" career.
Today, choose love.
Choose to love yourself.
Choose to love your life.
Choose to love all the friends, family, co-workers,
acquaintances, and others who share your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.