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Let these funny Report Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
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A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow
Well, when you come down to it,
I don't see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
As far as I'm concerned, I prefer
silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
- Albert Einstein
Where large sums of money are concerned,
it is advisable to trust nobody.
- Agatha Christie
I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor.
Do you know your next door neighbor?
- Mother Teresa
I don't know who my grandfather was;
I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.
- Abraham Lincoln
I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden
Truth is always in harmony with herself,
and is not concerned chiefly to reveal the justice
that may consist with wrong-doing.
- Henry David Thoreau
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
- John Wooden
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned
with finding solutions to her problems
but rather seeks relief
by expressing herself and being understood.
- John Gray
Well, I don't know what will happen now.
We've got some difficult days ahead.
But it doesn't matter with me now.
Because I've been to the mountaintop.
And I don't mind. Like any man,
I would like to live a long life.
Longevity has its place.
But I'm not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God's will.
And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.
And I've looked over.
And I've seen the promised land.
I may not get there with you.
But I want you to know tonight, that we,
as a people, will get to the promised land.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is our choices ... that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)
In soloing - as in other activities -
it is far easier to start something
than it is to finish it.
- Amelia Earhart
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott
How far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill
When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
From far beyond this life,
I hear the call.
From place beyond all place,
I feel the call.
From time before all time,
I know the call.
From one before all ones,
I am the call.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- West African proverb famously quoted by Theodore Roosevelt
To be seventy years young is sometimes
far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
There are risks and costs to action.
But they are far less than the long range
risks of comfortable inaction.
- John F. Kennedy
The problem in defense is
how far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A man in debt is so far a slave.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung
Most of us love, to be sure.
Yet far too often our love is passive.
We must be proactive in our love
in order for it to change our lives.
- Marianne Williamson
Faith is the highest passion in a human being.
Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde
Far from idleness being the root of all evil,
it is rather the only true good.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The Answers of Spirit are far more powerful
than the Questions of our small minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.
We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Little do men perceive what solitude is,
and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company,
and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal,
where there is no love.
- Francis Bacon
Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart
Your example is far more influential and inspiring
than any words of instruction, or threats,
or even words of encouragement.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt
The wise man looks back into the past,
and does not grieve over what is far off,
nor rejoice over what is near;
for he knows that time is without end.
- Lao Tzu
There are a number of things wrong with Washington.
One of them is that everyone is too far from home.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung
If a man loses pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
- John Muir
It is far more important to be able to hit the target
than it is to haggle over who makes a weapon or who pulls a trigger.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I never saw a discontented tree.
They grip the ground as though they liked it,
and though fast rooted, they travel about as far as we do.
- John Muir
Trees go wandering forth in all directions with every wind,
going and coming like ourselves,
traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day,
and through space heaven knows how fast and far!
- John Muir
Working at a job you hate is unlikely
to bring you either happiness or success.
Do what you love. You are far more likely to gain success -
recognition and financial reward - if you are working
at something that inspires and excites you.
And, whether wealth follows or not, you will be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Plant trees for your great-grandchildren -
for future generations.
Create the legacy of a better world.
Leave this world a better place than you found it.
Literally planting trees for
your great-grandchildren is a wonderful idea,
but far more important...
use this symbolism - this imagery -
to represent the kind of legacy
you want to leave to future generations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver
Far better is it to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though chequered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the grey twilight
that knows not victory or defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
'Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
I have never written a book that didn't teach me
far more than it taught any reader.
- Isaac Asimov
The Sweetest Strawberry:
A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger.
He fled, the tiger after him.
Coming to a precipice,
he caught hold of the root of a wild vine
and swung himself over the edge.
The tiger sniffed at him from above.
Trembling, the man looked down to where,
far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him.
Only the vine sustained him.
Two mice, one white and one black,
little by little started to gnaw away the vine.
The man then saw a luscious strawberry near him.
Grasping the vine with one hand,
he plucked the strawberry with the other.
How sweet it tasted.
- Zen Koan
The poet ranks far below the painter
in the representation of visible things,
and far below the musician in that of invisible things.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Spiritual relationship is far more precious than physical.
Physical relationship divorced from spiritual
is body without soul.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- Theodore Roosevelt
I consider my greatest accomplishment to be lifelong celibacy.
- Isaac Newton
(discoverer of the laws of gravitation and motion,
famous mathematician, and perhaps the greatest scientist ever)
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.