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Funny Prison Quotes
Funny Quotes about Prison

Let these funny Prison Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Free-Will is the key to the prison of the mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation.
Live wild, life free, live as master of your own fate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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In my country we go to prison first, and then become President.
- Nelson Mandela

Under a government which imprisons any unjustly,
the true place for a just man is also a prison.
- Henry David Thoreau

The worst prison would be a closed heart.
- Pope John Paul II


 

Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill

The martyr cannot be dishonored.
Every lash inflicted is a tongue of fame;
every prison a more illustrious abode.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One should respect public opinion insofar
as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison,
but anything that goes beyond this
is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
- Bertrand Russell

A person experiences life as
something separated from the rest -
a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.
Our task must be to free ourselves
from this self-imposed prison,
and through compassion,
to find the reality of Oneness.
- Albert Einstein

I am in a beautiful prison from which
I can only escape by writing.
- Anais Nin

Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul.
- Henry Van Dyke

I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado

Affirmation:
"I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails,
and then asks you not to kill him.
- Winston Churchill

In the final choice, a soldier's pack
is not so heavy as a prisoner's chains.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Which beliefs bring out the best in you?
Which beliefs hold you prisoner to yesterday
and limit your options for designing a great future?
Test your beliefs with as much objectivity
as you can bring to the subject.
Be willing to let go of those beliefs
that represent your parents' opinions,
or your communities opinions, rather than your own.
Those beliefs that withstand rigorous testing,
should become the foundation of your being -
your reason for living.
Take action on those beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.