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Let these funny Preserved Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Life should not be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a Ride!"
- Hunter S. Thompson
I have called this principle,
by which each slight variation, if useful, is preserved,
by the term of Natural Selection.
- Charles Darwin
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler
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Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious,
one should preserve it.
- Anais Nin
Every creature is better alive than dead,
men and moose and pine trees,
and he who understands it aright
will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen
who would protect the rights and privileges of free people
and who would preserve what is
good and fruitful in our national heritage.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.
- Psalm 16:1
When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain
When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves
and our own self-preservation,
we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.
- Joseph Campbell
In wilderness is the preservation of the world.
- Henry David Thoreau
Educate and inform the whole mass of the people ...
They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
Our defense is in the preservation of the spirit
which prizes liberty as a heritage of all men,
in all lands, everywhere.
Destroy this spirit and you have planted
the seeds of despotism around your own doors.
- Abraham Lincoln
Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot
Don't quit.
- Anonymous
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
- Vince Lombardi
Never quit.
- Anonymous
Achievement seems to be connected with action.
Successful men and women keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton
Success seems to be connected with action.
Successful people keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton
Choose your goal and keep your eye on it. Never give up.
Perhaps you will need to change your plan
and approach you goal from a different direction, but don't quit.
Keep thinking. Keep re-planning. Keep going.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.