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Funny Jews Quotes
Funny Quotes about Jews

Let these funny Jews Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

There are righteous people working
in a whole rainbow of belief systems -
from Hasidic Jews to right-wing Bible Belters
to charismatic Catholics.
- Bono

Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,
when he fell into the hands of robbers.
They stripped him of his clothes, beat him
and went away, leaving him half dead.
A priest happened to be going down the same road,
and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.
So too, a Levite [religious leader],
when he came to the place and saw him,
passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan [Samaritans and Jews generally disliked
and were suspicious of each other] came where the man was;
and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds ... and ...
took him to an inn and took care of him. ...
Jesus [said] "Go and do likewise."
- Luke 10:25-37 (The Parable of the Good Samaritan)

All men's souls are immortal,
but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.
- Socrates

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers


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Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel


 

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck

Republicans are men of narrow vision,
who are afraid of the future.
- Jimmy Carter

Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln

A nation or civilization that
continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death
on the installment plan.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Great men or men of great gifts
you shall easily find,
but symmetrical men never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The difference between men friends and women friends
is that men tend to do things together,
women tend to just be together.
- Art Jahnke

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.
- Epictetus

Men of lofty genius,
when they are doing the least work,
are most active.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Either war is obsolete, or men are.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

We the people are the rightful masters
of both Congress and the courts,
not to overthrow the Constitution
but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.
- Abraham Lincoln

Good men must not obey the laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are what their mothers made them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin.
And therefore, as a free man, I take pride
in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner!"
- John F. Kennedy

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism
to the tempestuous sea of liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

Truth is the property of no individual
but is the treasure of all men.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln

The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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