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Let these funny Imprisoned Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Our houses are such unwieldy property
that we are often imprisoned rather than housed by them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
You can chain me, you can torture me,
you can even destroy this body,
but you will never imprison my mind.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
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Under a government which imprisons any unjustly,
the true place for a just man is also a prison.
- Henry David Thoreau
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
Experience hath shown, that even
under the best forms of government,
those entrusted with power have,
in time, and by slow operations,
perverted it into tyranny.
- Thomas Jefferson
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
- Henry David Thoreau
At all times and under all circumstances,
we have the power to transform the quality of our lives.
- Werner Erhard
If you have built castles in the air,
your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau
If co-operation is a duty, I hold that non-co-operation
also under certain conditions is equally a duty.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance;
the wise grows it under his feet.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer
It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war
is nothing but an act of murder.
- Albert Einstein
To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1
Just as a man would not cherish living
in a body other than his own,
so do nations not like to live under other nations,
however noble and great the latter may be.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think,
and that's the time when they most need to think.
- William J. Clinton
You must not under any pretense allow
your mind to dwell on any thought
that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.
- Emmet Fox
I predict future happiness for Americans
if they can prevent the government
from wasting the labors of the people
under the pretense of taking care of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another
as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
- Thomas Jefferson
Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air.
They are where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau
It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson
I forgive myself completely
for having created stories of suffering.
I forgive myself for all
my angers, resentments, jealousies,
and all the other emotions of suffering.
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I sincerely believe that banking establishments
are more dangerous than standing armies,
and that the principle of spending money
to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding,
is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
- Thomas Jefferson
Don't hide your light under a bushel.
- The Bible
What difference does it make to the dead,
the orphans, and the homeless,
whether the mad destruction is wrought
under the name of totalitarianism
or the holy name of liberty or democracy?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I put a piece of paper under my pillow,
and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is a fact often observed,
that men have written good verses
under the inspiration of passion,
who cannot write well under other circumstances.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned
with finding solutions to her problems
but rather seeks relief
by expressing herself and being understood.
- John Gray
Every fact is related on one side to sensation,
and, on the other, to morals.
The game of thought is, on the appearance
of one of these two sides,
to find the other: given the upper, to find the under side.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.