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Let these funny Despised Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
I despise people who go to the gutter
on either the right or the left
and hurl rocks at those in the center.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
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A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
not so good when people obey and acclaim him,
worst when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
Having seen the devastation of war first hand,
Eisenhower came both to despise war
and to see that "war settles nothing."
On the other hand, Ike was certainly no peacenik.
He understood that, in an emergency,
action must be met with reaction.
When truly necessary, violence met with violence -
but never hate responded to with hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.