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Let these funny Cuts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding
and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
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The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver
Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell
We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda
Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono
The task of the modern educator
is not to cut down jungles,
but to irrigate deserts.
- C.S. Lewis
The River of Life has no judgments.
The River flows with no concept of good and bad - right and wrong.
The fields and dreams of men may be nourished by the River of Life,
or flooded and covered with silt, and the River just flows.
Men may catch fish and live on the River of Life,
or they may founder in a storm and drown, and the River just flows.
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
- Dan Stanford
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am firm; YOU are obstinate; HE is a pig-headed fool.
- Bertrand Russell
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
The length of this document defends it well
against the risk of its being read.
- Winston Churchill
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
As a cure for worrying,
work is better than whiskey.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
It's foggy and it's gray - let's play.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.