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Let these funny Clap Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
What is the Sound of One Hand Clapping?
- Traditional Zen Koan
Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
The sound of 'gentle stillness' after all the thunder
and wind have passed will be the ultimate Word from God.
- Jim Elliot
The primal rhythmic power
and resonant sound of waves on the shore
are like the earth's heartbeat,
and become our connection with the body of nature.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A system of morality which is based
on relative emotional values
is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception
which has nothing sound in it and nothing true.
- Socrates
Music is what feelings sound like.
- Anonymous
A day spent without the sight or sound of beauty,
the contemplation of mystery,
or the search of truth or perfection
is a poverty-stricken day; and a succession
of such days is fatal to human life.
- Lewis Mumford
Overwhelm is not a pleasant condition.
The to-do list overflows,
the deadlines appear imminent and immovable.
There are too many demands upon too little of your time.
Does this sound familiar?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
AUM, the most primordial human sound -
and the sound most connected to Spirit,
is pronounced in these three parts:
A (as in mama) - a throat sound
that vibrates in the abdomen - signifies waking.
U (as in who) - a tongue sound
that vibrates in the chest - signifies dreaming.
M (as in mama) - a lip sound
that vibrates in the head - signifies sleeping.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Visualize your end result as having already been accomplished.
Let the image of your success play on the giant screen
in full color with surround sound -
so real you can smell and taste it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Purity of personal life is the one indispensable condition
for building up a sound education.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
To the Master's honor all must turn,
each in its track, without a sound,
forever tracing Newton's ground.
- Albert Einstein
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln
Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall
God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Human beings must have action;
and they will make it if they cannot find it.
- Albert Einstein
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
Curiosity takes courage.
The most important promises are the ones you make to yourself.
Pay Attention.
Appreciate. Listen. Imagine.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Until you make the unconscious conscious,
it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
- Carl Jung
Make Today count. Today - each Today -
is the most important day of your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Humans make illogical decisions.
- Spock (character in Star Trek movies and TV shows)
I have found out that though the ways in which
I can make myself useful are few,
yet the work open to me is endless.
- Helen Keller
Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]
No amount of self-improvement can make up
for a lack of self-acceptance.
- Anonymous
We will either find a way or make one.
- Hannibal
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy
Make the most of yourself,
for that is all there is of you.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The goal of life is
to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,
to match your nature with Nature.
- Joseph Campbell
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.