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Let these funny Annoying Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
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Never Let Anyone Get Your Goat,
Push Your Buttons,
Get You Riled Up,
or Annoy You.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde
The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.