Facebook share Tweet This Email this
You can't live a perfect day without doing something
for someone who will never be able to repay you.
- John Wooden
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden 
Make your "yes" mean yes,
and your "no" mean no.
- John Wooden
Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
- John Wooden
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It's one of a parent's greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
- John Wooden
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden
A coach is someone who can give correction
without causing resentment.
- John Wooden
Beating an opponent is not a goal,
but a by-product of success.
- John Wooden
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
- John Wooden
Don't let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
Do not let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
- John Wooden
You can't let praise or criticism get to you.
It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
- John Wooden
Success comes from knowing that
you did your best to become the best
that you are capable of becoming.
- John Wooden
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Thank you for visiting: You can't live a perfect day without doing something by John Wooden.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.