Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


A person is smart. People are dumb,
by Men in Black

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens


 

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung

Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson

We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe

We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis

No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge

It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous

The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung

Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa

Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison

A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I think the person who takes a job in order to live -
that is to say, for the money -
has turned himself into a slave.
- Joseph Campbell

A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry

It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson

If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford

Books! I dunno if I ever told you this,
but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono

Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson

The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin

You never really understand a person
until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee

As a happy person, you radiate happiness to the world.
Visualize your light radiating throughout the world,
passing from person to person until it encircles the globe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What is necessary to change a person is
to change his awareness of himself.
- Abraham Maslow

When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel

Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being.
With freedom comes responsibility.
For the person who is unwilling to grow up,
the person who does not want to carry is own weight,
this is a frightening prospect.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do not wait for leaders;
do it alone, person to person.
- Mother Teresa

See God in every person, place, and thing,
and all will be well in your world.
- Louise L. Hay

True love means putting the other person before yourself,
and honoring the relationship above all.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Angelina Jolie

A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips
is a sign that the person down deep
has a pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh Sidey

It is noted that a stopped clock is correct twice each day.
In a similar manner, a person who is unchanging appears wise occasionally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A happy person is not a person in a
certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person with a
certain set of attitudes.
- Hugh Downs

Difficulties are things that show a person what he is.
- Epictetus

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver

If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another
as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
- Thomas Jefferson

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Anonymous (attributed to Bill Wilson, Brandi Snyder and others)

There is no goodness in attempting to coerce
another person into performing a good deed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To dream of the person you would like to be
is to waste the person you are.
- Anonymous

At times our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude
of those who have lighted the flame within us.
- Albert Schweitzer


Thank you for visiting: A person is smart. People are dumb, by Men in Black.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.