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Let these funny Dumb Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Too clever is dumb.
- Ogden Nash
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy
Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill
A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler
In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman
I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
This too, shall pass.
- Bible
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson
I am an optimist.
It does not seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill
In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children
that makes the heart too big for the body.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Reading, after a certain age,
diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits.
Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Too many people overvalue what they are not,
and undervalue what they are.
- Malcolm S. Forbes
Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.
- Kamran Hamid
When you are right you cannot be too radical;
when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
An overfull calendar, like an overfull stomach,
is a consequence of taking on too much.
Commit, and eat, in moderation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is it not enough to know the evil to shun it?
If not, we should be sincere enough to admit
that we love evil too well to give it up.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
- Epicurus
Too many people are thinking of security
instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
- James F. Bymes
Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman
I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson
Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong
Great people are those who make others feel
that they, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.