Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Mae West Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost 
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Thank you for visiting: Mae West Quotes - Funny Quotes by Mae West.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.