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Let these funny News Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To a philosopher all news,
as it is called, is gossip,
and they who edit and read it
are old women over their tea.
- Henry David Thoreau
We cannot make good news out of bad practice.
- Edward R. Murrow
Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news.
The good news is that you don't know how great you can be!
How much you can love!
What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!
- Anne Frank
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Love interrupts, if you like,
the consequences of your actions,
which in my case is very good news indeed,
because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
- Bono
The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler
The good news is that you aren't
as important as you thought you were.
Relax. The weight of the world
is not on your shoulders.
Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is a secret wisdom-of-the-ages
that holds the key to breaking our
cycle of self-imposed suffering.
The secret wisdom is, "Life is not supposed to be fair."
This is not sad news. This is GLORIOUS news!
Life is not broken. Nothing is wrong.
God has not failed, died, or gone on vacation.
The world is working perfectly. We just misunderstood.
Somewhere along the way, someone got the idea that
life was "supposed" to be "fair,"
and all the trouble started -
expectation, disappointment, resentment, anger -
a whole cycle of suffering that began
with the belief that life is "supposed" to be "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
Often, the greatest joy is to be found not in new things,
but in old things seen through new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
Incite a riot of new ideas.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A ship in port is safe,
but that's not what ships are built for.
Sail out to sea and do new things.
- Grace Hopper
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches,
letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.
- Pauline R. Kezer
You cannot discover new oceans unless
you have the courage to lose site of the shore.
- Anonymous
What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau
Be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
- Henry David Thoreau
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body
treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- Peter Medawar
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In order to discover new lands,
one must be willing to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.
- Anonymous
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard
Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process,
gradually changing opinions,
slowly eroding old barriers,
quietly building new structures.
- John F. Kennedy
A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)
Falling out of love is very enlightening.
For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Nay, be a Columbus to whole new
continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau
I create a new and more loving story
to surround each event in my past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the new economy, information, education,
and motivation are everything.
- William J. Clinton
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A happy New Year to all the world.
- Charles Dickens
We stand today on the edge of a new frontier ...
a frontier of unknown opportunities and perils -
a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats.
- John F. Kennedy
Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln
Children are natural Zen masters;
their world is brand new in each and every moment.
- John Bradshaw
We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein
In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The majority of men meet with failure
because of their lack of persistence
in creating new plans to take
the place of those which fail.
- Napoleon Hill
I get bored very easily, ...
I have a voracious appetite and I do not feel alive
if I'm repeating something I'm good at.
So I'm always looking for new challenges.
- Jewel
When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck
We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Questioning cultural norms opens new vistas of happiness and purpose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven;
a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.
- Omar Khayyam
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.