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Let these funny Incalculable Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung
Without this playing with fantasy,
no creative work has ever yet come to birth.
The debt we owe to the play of
the imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung
One can pay back the loan of gold,
but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind.
- Malayan Proverb
Science does not know its debt to imagination.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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A man in debt is so far a slave.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.