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Let these funny Chiefly Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Not life, but good life,
is to be chiefly valued.
- Socrates
Truth is always in harmony with herself,
and is not concerned chiefly to reveal the justice
that may consist with wrong-doing.
- Henry David Thoreau
Eagles come in all shapes and sizes,
but you will recognize them chiefly by their attitudes.
- E. F. Schumacher
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx
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Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
All things share the same breath -
the beast, the tree, the man...
the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy
Concern for man and his fate must always form
the chief interest of all technical endeavors.
Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations.
- Albert Einstein
Be the chief but never the lord.
- Lao Tzu
We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A chief event of life is the day in which
we have encountered a mind that startled us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The heart is the chief feature of a functioning mind.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Profit is a by-product of work;
happiness is its chief product.
- Henry Ford
Humankind has not woven the web of life.
We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.
All things are bound together.
All things connect.
- Chief Seattle
Man does not weave this web of life.
He is merely a strand of it.
Whatever he does to the web,
he does to himself.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)
There is no death, only a change of worlds.
- Chief Seattle
Feel Unity with Spirit and All Creation
All things share the same breath the
beast, the tree, the man... the air
shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle [actually written by screenwriter Ted Perry in 1972]
The truth of things is the chief nutriment
of superior intellects.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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