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Let these funny Alcohol Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill
Every form of addiction is bad,
no matter whether the narcotic
be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
- Carl Jung
I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill
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Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not let Sunday be taken from you.
If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
- Albert Schweitzer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
A vow is a purely religious act
which cannot be taken in a fit of passion.
It can be taken only with a mind purified
and composed and with God as witness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The one serious conviction that a man should have
is that nothing should be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Murray Butler
It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha
Life is to be taken lightly
by those who wish to be happy
and by those who wish to age gracefully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Your innermost core has always been pure.
Purity is intrinsic to you,
it cannot be taken away.
- Osho
There is no substitute for the comfort supplied
by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.
- Iris Murdoch
Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask.
She has long ago taken her resolution.
- Henry David Thoreau
You can learn how to let go of the past.
Whether you have experienced a break up
with someone you cared for deeply,
whether death has taken a loved one,
whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member,
whether you have lost a job.
Move on and let go.
Life can be joyful and rewarding again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Sheri Rosenthal
LOVE LETTERS TO YOURSELF
This is taken from a love letter (a gentle reminder)
I wrote to myself recently.
Live in your joy today.
Be authentic. Love yourself. First.
Love others from your own abundance.
Life Changes. Circumstances change.
Sometimes you try to fit your old way
of being into new circumstances
rather than becoming new yourself.
Embrace transformation as an opportunity.
And keep on writing love letters to yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you doubt the virtue in self-honor,
remember what the flight attendant says,
"Put your own oxygen mask on first."
You are of no use to anyone else
if you have not taken care of your own needs first -
this includes your own emotional,
as well as physical, well-being.
In addition, your greatest value to your children,
your family, your friends, and your community
is the example you set, leading a great life that inspires
those around you to emulate your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal
Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
- Abraham Lincoln
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
People will do anything, no matter how absurd,
to avoid facing their own souls.
- Carl Jung
It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid.
- Publilius Syrus
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Merely to avoid harming others is not enough.
Earn your place in this world by doing good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My greatest Power and my greatest Inner Peace come
when I Intend my future, and when I avoid Expecting it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The higher the sun rises, the less shadow it casts;
even so, the greater is the goodness, the less it covets praise;
yet cannot avoid its rewards in honors.
- Lao Tzu
This world of ours... must avoid becoming
a community of dreadful fear and hate,
and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil.
- Henry David Thoreau
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One should respect public opinion insofar
as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison,
but anything that goes beyond this
is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
- Bertrand Russell
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using your word to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
It is our duty still to endeavor to avoid war;
but if it shall actually take place, no matter by whom brought on,
we must defend ourselves.
If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether
it was fired from within or without,
we must try to extinguish it.
- Thomas Jefferson
I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love.
But then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer;
to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love.
To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love
or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
I hope you're getting this down.
- the movie Love and Death
A sloth lives a pretty good life, s-l-o-w-l-y.
Maybe we have something to learn from him.
Some days, being sloth-like may be just what you need
to avoid being consumed by urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.